Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Vodka?
Forever.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
