When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
