i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
