just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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