are you so shy because you have an std?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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