Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he was CRYING into my vagina
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
