so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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