We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize