2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
