My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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