idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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