i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
