it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
