i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
