If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize