If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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