Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
