It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So vagazzling was a success
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
