I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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