I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
