We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
