True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
