Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I did not marry a roomba.
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