No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
