I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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