I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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