I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
