My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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