Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
