I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
