i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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