I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize