I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
