You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
