the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
