well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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