Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
