There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We just shotgunned beers for America
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
