if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
