We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
