know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
