I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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