i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
