Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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