i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
