College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
