I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
