Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
