yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
