i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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