you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
