my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
