Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
