You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize