Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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