She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
