i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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