she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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