I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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