i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
