I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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