Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
