I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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