She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
