you guys were way drunker than both of me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
