do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
