Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
