so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
