Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
