oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
