don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
