well I can't set my house on fire every night
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
