I want to make a zoo with you.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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