I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
