i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
