i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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