Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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