evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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