you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and i looked up. we had an audience...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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