I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
