So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize