so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
