He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
